The Pseudo Self IV -- Persona, Shadow and Anima

"People fix their own flaws in front of a mirror."

In the last post, we talked about the small self. How it projects its own fear onto others to feel safe and how to be courageous to live a life without mask. Yes, it's difficult. But it's not impossible. All you need to do is to accept your flaws. There should be no need to defend for the very urge will strengthen the mask and makes you more desperate than before.

But, now there is a question -- how to acquire that state?

The answer is by understanding Persona (the mask), Anima (Our Female Self) and Shadow (Our Dark Side). Carl Jung gave us these three words, but we have been living them every day.

1. Persona --- The Mask

Persona is the mask we wear to be accepted by society.

And pseudo Self lives inside Persona. It says — "If I wear the right mask, people will love me."

But no one can live with a mask forever. The mask becomes heavy. And the heavier the mask, the more tired the soul.

Ask yourself — who are you when no one is watching? If you don't know the answer, you have been living in Persona for too long.

2. Shadow — The Dark side/The Part You Hide

Everything that you don't want to accept about yourself — your anger, your jealousy, your insecurity, your greed — you push it into the dark. That dark room is Shadow. All types of emotions that you hate from your core come from your own SHADOW.

Pseudo Self is very scared of Shadow. So it does one clever thing. It throws its Shadow onto others.

It says others -- You are insecure. You are incompetent. You are weak.

No. Actually, it's the small self who is insecure, incompetent and weak. But it cannot accept it, so it projects the same on others.

This is why we said — people fix their own flaws in front of a mirror. When a person comes in front of them, s/he sees their own Shadow reflected, and they try to fix it by attacking the mirror.

But you cannot fix the reflection by breaking the mirror. You have to fix the face.

3. Anima — The Female Self/The Inner Voice

Jung said every man has a feminine side inside him, and every woman has a masculine side inside her. That inner side is Anima and Animus. It is your capacity to feel, to love, to be soft, to be intuitive.

Pseudo Self kills Anima.

It says — Don't be soft. Don't cry. Don't feel. Be logical. Be strong. Be practical.

And slowly we become stones. Successful stones, but stones.

A whole person allows his Anima to breathe. He can be strong and also soft. He can be logical and also intuitive. He does not feel ashamed of his softness. He wears it like armor.

So what is the journey?

The journey is not to become perfect. The journey is to become whole.

Take off the Persona. Look at your Shadow. Listen to your Anima.

Don't pretend to be good. Be real.

Don't pretend to be successful. Be honest.

Accept your mistakes. There is no shame to accept it. Make them stepping stones. 

Don't fix the mirror. Fix yourself.

Let's not stop our journey.

The Pseudo Self III --- Let the Journey Begin

Ever tried, ever failed, no matter. Try again, fail again, fail better.

These lines are taken from the play "Waiting for Godot" by Samuel Beckett. This was the first work I understood in the first year of my M.A. English, and I feel no shame to say that I was one of the average students of literature. Yes, I was. All that changed me are my mistakes. Always remember — your best friend and teacher is your last mistake. That's why the name of my first blog is The Journey of My Mistakes. Nothing to defend. No mask.

~ Sudhir Singh

We are continuing the Pseudo Self series, and today I wish to talk about our small self, which we mistakenly consider ourselves to be. We always pretend to be successful, though we are not. It can never embrace failure. So it crafts fake success. It prefers to be in a safe group because there it feels safe, however, it is not safe either.

As I told you in the previous part, "A Pseudo Self can never be creative, because creativity needs an original Self."

But today's generation doesn't know about creativity because it requires courage — courage to bleed on paper, courage to be misunderstood. So the fake self makes a small move. To hide its own shadow, it projects its own fear onto others.

That person is insecure. This person is not competent. That person is weak and frightened, and so on.

But in the deep down, the small self itself is incompetent, and to feel safe, it projects its own flaws onto others.

Yes, it's the safest way.

But here comes the darkest part.

It never stops here. People dominated by the small self gang up against those who show them a mirror. Such whole people don't show the mirror knowingly. But when they see a person who has become whole with his or her existence, s/he unknowingly show them mirror.

How?

Because the whole person never seeks the group's approval, never seeks validation, never wishes to be in the spotlight, and this very nature terrifies them.

1. How can that person be so contented?

2. What does that person have which we don't have?

3. We know he is fake.

4. If not fake, then he is insecure or inefficient.

Now they are just projecting their own self onto him, and this is the mirroring. A person dominated by the pseudo self can be very dangerous for all. So, let's start our journey towards our origin. Let not to be fake. Yes, it's tough. I know it is. But not impossible. 

Embrace your weaknesses. Wear it like a crown. Wear it like armor.

I will meet you again in Part four. Till then, keep learning, keep improving.

Let the journey begin.

The Pseudo Self II — The Self That Is Not You

The Small Pseudo Self we talked about is not real. It is pseudo. A made-up Self. It is not born with you. It is built around you.

How is it built? By two things:

1. What people said about you.

"You are weak." "You are smart." "You will fail." "Log kahega kya?" You heard it 10,000 times. Now you think it is you.

2. What you repeated to yourself to feel safe.

"I must always be liked." "I must never be alone." "I must always have the latest information."

This is the Pseudo Self.

Why is it pseudo? It is pseudo because it has no original thought. It only borrows.

It borrows opinions to look intelligent. It borrows anger to look dominant. It borrows information to look updated but inside, it is empty. And because it is empty, it is tiny, it is pseudo. And because it is tiny, it is afraid. Afraid of all. Afraid of everything. Afraid of everyone.

This is the trap of the modern youth:

They think they are expressing themselves on Instagram, but they are only expressing their conditioning.

They think they are choosing a career, but they are only choosing what will make their Pseudo Self feel less afraid. A Pseudo Self can never be creative, because creativity needs an original Self.

It can only do three things:

Compare, Complain, Copy.

Compare — "He has more than me."

Complain — "World is negative."

Copy — "Let me also do what is trending."

That is why you see so much negativity, so much dominance, so much destruction. The Pseudo Self cannot preserve. It can only defend its fake existence. The real Self is not afraid. It doesn't need to be dominant. It doesn't need latest information to feel alive.

It just sees.

So the work is not to make your Pseudo Self bigger or more successful.

The work is to see that it is pseudo.

Dear readers, there is a task for you today:

For one day, catch one sentence that your Pseudo Self says.

1. When you feel afraid to post something — who said that? Is that you? 

When you feel you must reply instantly — who made that rule? Do you made it?

When you feel lonely without your phone — who is afraid? Are you afraid or someone else?

Just catch one. Write it down. That is enough.

Next post we will talk about: Why Pseudo Self loves information but hates wisdom?

The Sweet I Refused

Second period. Paper discussion was on in class XI Sci. A.

The class was noisy — marks being counted, doubts being asked, "Sir, how to improve?" from every bench. I was completely engrossed.

In the middle of this, a child came to my door with a small box of sweets. "Sir, my birthday."

I wished her, "Happy Birthday," but I refused the sweet. "Not now."

She insisted again. I said, "No beta, I don't take sweets." She insisted again and a same response came from my side.

She left.

The period went on. The papers got discussed. The doubts got cleared.

But when I reached home after school, her face came in front of my eyes.

It was her birthday.

For her, it was not about a sweet. It was about being seen. Being blessed. A small moment of happiness she wanted to share with her teacher.

And in that tense environment, I missed it. I was so focused on taking students' doubts that I forgot to wish her properly. 

Then I thought about Parth, my son.

How excited my son is on his birthday. How much he expects from me. A wish, a chocolate, a cake, a little celebration. For a child, a birthday is not a date. It is an emotion.

The same was that girl.

Did I hurt her? Maybe not intentionally. But I missed a chance to connect.

And that is what teaching is. Not just paper discussion. Kids don't only need marks. They need love and connection.

I was not wrong in maintaining discipline in the class. A teacher has to. During a discussion, noise can break. So saying "not now or no" was professional.

But saying "I don't take sweets" was not needed. I could have said, "Beta, keep it here, I will take it after the class. And come, let me wish you properly."

One line would have kept both — the discipline and the dignity of the child.

This is what I have learnt today that connection is also part of correction. I wish I get a chance to reform myself.

If you are a teacher reading this — next time a child comes with a birthday sweet during your busiest period, don't refuse the child. Reschedule the sweet.

Let the paper discussion wait for two minutes. Let the child feel celebrated for a lifetime.

The Pseudo Self I -- The Afraid Man Cannot Create

Our made Self is so tiny so small that it is afraid of everything.

Afraid of people. Afraid to be alone. And afraid of missing out on the latest information.

Look around. This is not philosophy. This is our newsfeed.

We scroll not to learn, but because we are afraid of losing information. We speak not to express, but because we are afraid of being judged. We stay in groups not because we love people, but because we are afraid to be alone.

A person who is afraid can never be creative. Creativity needs risk. It needs solitude. It needs the courage to be misunderstood. Fear cannot give you any of that.

A frightened man has only two options — he becomes defensive or destructive.

Defensive towards life. Destructive towards himself and others.

Watch him. He will not preserve anything. Not a relationship, not an idea, not even his own health. Because preservation needs care, and care needs courage. No, I don't want you to be fearless. You can never be fearless. Humans can never be fearless.

His eyes are conditioned to see only the negative. Not because the world is negative, but because his pseudo Self can only survive by finding a threat everywhere.

And the world is now full of such people.

Frightened inside, dominant outside.

They shout on social media, they dominate in meetings, they control in relationships. Not because they are powerful. Because they are scared. And we should be afraid of such people — not because they are strong, but because a frightened man always try to prove that he is dominant and can do anything.

This is the present youth too.

They cannot see anything except their conditioning. They think they are thinking, but they are only replaying fear.

Fear of career — so they never ask what they love.

Fear of loneliness — so they never learn to be with themselves.

Fear of being wrong — so they never create anything original.

They call it being practical. It is just being frightened.

The question is not how to become successful while being afraid.

The question is — can you see yourself in the mirror of your own mind? 

In the next post, we will talk about how this Pseudo Self is made. Who makes it, and why we protect it so much?

Until then, one task:

Sit alone for 10 minutes without your phone. No music, no information. Just sit. And watch how quickly the small Self gets afraid.

If you can see the fear, you are already bigger than it.

The Gallery of Noise XII - Gratitude (The Last Part)

In the Gita, Lord Krishna says -

"Sarva-dharman parityajya mam ekam sharanam vraja.

Aham tvam sarva-papebhyo mokshayishyami ma suchah."

"Surrender thyself to Me and leave all of your doubts, doctrines and responsibilities unto My feet. I shall restore thee and give you salvation."

In this series of 12 parts under the title "The Gallery of Noise", we have learnt a lot about ourselves --- our very origin i.e. The Cosmic Consciousness.  

We saw how mind creates noise, how body creates noise, how world creates noise. We learnt to be Sakshi - the Witness.

But we cannot remain in that state by our own effort.

Witnessing is not the end. Witnessing is the door.

Without the blessings of HariHar, no one can stay there. Without two forces meeting, the journey is incomplete.

Hari - The Cosmic Order - The Force that runs the world and always takes incarnation to restore the Order of Cosmos. 

Har - The Pure Witness - The Cosmic Consciousness that watches the world.

Force and Witness. Prakriti and Purusha. They must meet.

Till now, we were trying to be the witness. That was Sadhana. But in the end, the small witness must also surrender. The drop must be ready to merge into the ocean.

And that merging does not happen by effort. It happens by Grace. By Surrender.

Krishna calls it Sharanagati.

You leave everything - your doubts, your doctrines. Leave them all at His feet.

Then what remains?

No drop left.

Once the Sakshi merges into Parabrahman, there is no Sakshi left. The small self dies. It vanishes. Not by killing, but by merging.

Then what happens to this body and this mind?

They don't die. They become tools. Tools of Cosmic Order.

Then you don't speak. Then you don't act. The Cosmic Order acts through you.

Then nothing is left. Only The Pure Witness.

No gallery. No noise. No one to see the gallery.

Only Silence watching Silence.

This series ends here, but gratitude remains.

Gratitude to HariHar who let us see the noise.

Gratitude to the noise itself, which taught us what silence is.

Gratitude to this body which bore everything.

---- End of The Gallery of Noise Series

The Gallery of Noise XI: Be Simple

In the previous part, the water evaporated.

When it evaporates, you know yourself as you are. You become Sakshi — the Silent Watcher. No more play, only pure witnessing. The noise fades and looks like a grand play.

But what happens after evaporation?

This is where simplicity begins.

Having Self-Realisation doesn't mean you won't become sad or happy. Rather, after realising your true self i.e. the Pure Consciousness, aka Absolute Stillness, you will become intensely sad and happy but still disinterested inside.

As it is said:

"आत्मज्ञानी का रोना भी सहज होता है और हँसना भी। वह न तो दुःख से भागता है और न सुख को पकड़ता है।"

A self-realized's crying is natural, and so is his laughter. S/he neither runs from sorrow, nor clings to joy.

That is simplicity.

Before realisation, we cry to show, we laugh to hide. We are fake because noise wants us to be complex. After evaporation, you can never be fake again. Now no mask required.

You confront all kinds of experiences — because you are not running.

And then, something subtle happens. You become more connected with existence and its subtle music. You start enjoying insects' and birds' songs, beautiful natural sights, sunrise and sunset. Not because you became spiritual, but because you became simple.

You evaporated. Now you don't need coldness to look strong. You become who you actually are. You acquire Sahajata — naturalness.

No more excitement to become something. Only oneness with the origin.

Be simple. That is the final freedom.