My absent-mindedness and Search for Existence

       From many days my learning capability decreased day by day and I don't know what is happening with me because it is totally a new experience for me.  From the beginning of 2012 and after joined B.ed course I have found that I can't able to remember even a simplest things, why it happen I know, it happens because of  business and my lack of capability to manage every task systematically.  Today, I realize how foolish I am.  The thing become more miserable mistakes.  If any one read it he can also find it in my this note.  I think I am very lazy and I am also irresponsible to my work.  I feel very over-confident and under-confident both side by side.  I sometimes find I am the Most foolish person of this world. And it is all because I am very absent minded person.  Sometimes my this kind of attitude create trouble not only for me but for others.  I am very selfish and I am not faithful because if a person who can't do his own work systematically and forget it many times then how can we accept from him that he will help others.  Same is with me because I don't have any responsible mind through which I can manage my task rather I also delays my work endlessly.  I don't have any good future.  I am the great loser of this world and I am the bad-est person of this world I am not a good son because I don't have done anything for my parents, I am just a burden on them, in fact I have no passion to do anything.  Life become misery for me because I have lost everything in my life.  I am an unemployed person who don't have any future and burden for society not for society but for all humanity.  Sometimes I think why God create a person like me who don't have any quality.  I have done M.A English in 2011 but I am not good in English, my parents have spent lot of money on me but still I don't improve myself.  Yes, it is all my FAULT.
        Actually from the very beginning of my childhood, I just try to find one thing and that one thing is "Truth".  Because of my this desire I have lost many things.  I have lost interest in worldly activity and I neglect my duties.  I am very selfish person who only think of his own salvation  But still I can't find the truth in real sense.  It means I have no qualities.  I have also achieved a great failure in the field of LOVE.  I have no courage to express my emotions in front of anyone whom I love.  I am afraid of society.  I am a great coward and have given only pain to others, because I have just pains, and a person can give only those things which he has that's why I give only pains to others.  How strange is our society, it never allow a true love, today if I am a coward then it is because of our society and its people of rigid mindedness.  Because our society don't like changes, it don't like newness, because new is always challenging  curious that's why newness needs intelligence and love and here in this world there is no one who has good feeling or intelligence.  Every bad thing is made for me, I am the greatest sinner that's why I always troubles in my life.  Today, I am not writing anything I am just taking out my frustration.  Because it gives me very much pain, it gives me very much pain, I think these pains are because of myself.  But I want to release it,  I want to be free of it, I want to get rid of it.  But want to get rid of it.  But it will not leave me, because it is not from only this birth rather it is the collection of my past many births.  The only one thing I find is this world and that one thing is pain.  Sometimes I feel my self as a Vladimir of "Waiting for Go dot  who is endlessly waiting for something who is endlessly waiting for someone but it never comes. And it will never comes ever. My all friends got jobs, many have a good job But I don't have any job and because of my inability I have lost a precious person of my life not in one time rather many-times   This person is not anybody it is a kind of feeling which hurt me.  I am a heart oriented person who feels through heart and do everything spontaniouly that is why I am not a good lesson planner because I do only those things which I like, don't do those things which I don't like but my this type of attitude has given a lot of trouble to me.  I think I am a person of uselessness. I don't have any aim of my life I don't have any vision I am just a big Zero I am a loser and that's why I deserve failure.
       Two months before my college Principal addressed us in a non-formal meeting where there is only two to eight boys of our college, he started taking interview of ours and want to know about ourselves and our past achievements, when comes my turn I speak in Hindi and i introduced myself in hindi, and because I introduced myself in hindi in-spite of doing M.A English he told me: "You have done M.A English then why you speak in hindi"  I said, " sir I am not feeling comfortable while speaking English "  He told me that if you can't speak in English then how you teach the students of convent school, you will not survive even in a single day. And he is right I know he is right and I really respect that type of person who shows me the mirror of myself.
       Now I feel myself as a burden to my family because at the stage 22 yrs old I don't have any special thing in me which make me different from other.  Now I find my existence in a trouble. But I have a big Ego of mine which never stops me in spite of these failure in my life I want to face these problem because I want to live and I have endless desires. Because of today, cut through t compititon and because of inflation I find my self in darkness in near future, where there is no light of hope.   And this darkness have stolen my all dreams my dreams of love, truth and beauty.  

A letter to my Friends

Dear Friends,

        If our worldly parents always try to help us then how can we say that our real father will not help us, just listen him,  he exists in your inner body, you just submit yourselves to His will and follow his Guidance, I am sure He will definitely help us because father is always ready to help their children but he don't want from us to waste our time in sitting idle just do work but don't attach with them, the inner voice will guide you and help you, You just follow it and it will change your life and also realise you that your are not any ordinary human being So Just Listen Him
Thanks.

Religion

Today, the society in which we are being living is mixture of many religion, but if we go to the root of any religion we will found that all of these have given same way of life. For example Muslim is not just the name of any religious community rather it is way of life.  Same is with the Hindu, it is also not just a name rather it is the way of life and same is with Sikhism it is also a way of life, in fact all religion is the way of life.
        The great Muhammad Sahib has shown the how to live and also how to die, he is not only the great philosopher but also the great mystic. Thus a true Muslim is one who follow the teachings of Muhammad Sahib.  Same is with Hinduism, it told about the four prospective of life, one is brahmcharya, in which one should follow the rules of Yama, Niyama, asana, Pranayama and Pratyahara and Dhayna and Smadhi.  
        In Yama, a disciple has been told to know and watch every kind of thought through self analysis and also follow some morals like to follow truthful living and to save our Brahmanchaya life.  After Brahmachraya comes Grashsta means to live a family life where one get married with some one and ive a life of honesty and truthfulness and also follow the teachings of his/her Guru.
         After Grashsta comes Vanaprasta in which one live out the worldly place for the search of truth.  In this kind of life one lives in a solitude and observe the silence and tried to apply another parts of Yoga that is pratyahara means to detach ourselves and go into the deep down of our mind.
        After Pratyahara one will follow the last two part of Yoga in which through Dhayana in which one realize the real self of his/her and after Dhayana the person become able to merge with one true existence which is called God, the Supreme Soul or Truth. So this is the Hindu prospective of religion. 
        After the prospective of Hindu comes the prospective of Sikh philosophy. In this our Gurus told us to follow a truthful living and live a simple life but to follow high moral character and live a spiritual life.
         Thus briefly we can say that religion is the "transformation of self" from the wrong identity to the right identity and every religion teach us to realize our true self which is not this body rather is beyond this body as Bible says,  "The kingdom of Heaven is within you."

Death

What is death and why it comes?  What is the real cause of death, we don't know about it.  In this world death is the only cruel ruler.  It spares nobody.  Many persons came in this world and many goes.  This earth is not our permanent living place.  Either we know about this thing or not but it is the truth which we have to accept.  But some persons think that after death the soul goes to Heaven and get reward of their good deeds.  But 'Jesus Christ' doesn't talk about this kind of Heaven.  He actually talks about that 'Heaven' where there is no physical image, no divine body and also doesn't have even thoughts.  In Christ's Heaven there is no bondage and also doesn't have any kind of happiness or misery.  Here I want to tell you that both happiness or misery is bondage.  Actually this Heaven(Christ's Heaven) is full of pleasure and pleasure is beyond happiness and misery.  You are now thinking about that my topic is death and I am talking about Christ's Heaven.  Actually these two things are linked with each other.  Death gives us chance to realize that this world is not true.  It is only a Shadow of our mind and only 'mind' is the real maker of this world.  'Vivekananda' talks about this in his literature that the whole world is guided by the Universal Mind.  What is universal Mind?  I know most of us don't know about it.  Before reading Vivakananda's literature even I also didn't know about it.  But this universal Mind is not any other dominated personality but it is our own True Self.  All of us have four kinds of bodies.  One is physical body, another is a body of thoughts or called 'Mind', there is also another kind of body which is 'feeling' and 'feeling' guides our thoughts or mind.  But beyond these three kind of bodies we also have a 'Cosmic body' which never destroys and this is our true identity.
        But these three bodies destroy one day but our true Self 'Cosmic Body' never destroys.  If we want to get victory over death we have to realize ourselves and make our selves immortal.  And remember we all are one and that one is everywhere.

BLISS OF GOD

Who is more dominating Death or life?Most of the time we all think about it.Actually it is the question which everyone of us want to get answer. But most of the time we all think about that death is very cruel and life is blessing of God.  But how can we say that 'life' is blessing and death is a curse.  I think death is the bliss of God.  One must have to know about it that it is only a death which told us that this world is not true. Everyone has to face it and everyone has to realize that this world is not true.  Now at that time the question which we have in our mind is if this world is not a truth then what is truth?       Actually everyone of us know about truth but no one of us experience the real truth.  If anyone of us experience it then definitely he will become the Buddha.  If anyone ask me at that time who is Buddha then I will say one who realize himself is Buddha.  And this self realization is the real bliss of God.